I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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