tonight lets celebrate not being married
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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