I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
