Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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