I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
