I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
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I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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