can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
