this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
