Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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