I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
