So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
