If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
