God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
