nut hugger
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Vodka?
Forever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
