how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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