I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
