What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
