Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
