i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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