I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
