She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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