I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize