North Korea, Best Korea!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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