Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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