I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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