3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
