i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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