I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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