I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't make out with my wife yet
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
