Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
