Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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