and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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