Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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