one two three fourrrrnication!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
