In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize