Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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