I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize