Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
