i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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