I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
