dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
