i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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