Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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