How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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