Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
