I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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