i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
