what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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