i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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