the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
