2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
