1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
