i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so let's talk penis.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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