you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
