i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
