Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You smell like stripper and shame
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
