i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
