He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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