I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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