i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
